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Book Jacket

Trade Paperback
176 pages
Feb 2004
Xulon Press

Emotional Transformation

by Anne Hovell Dew

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My sincere hope is that you will consider the first half of the book, as a workbook, in order to bring awareness of your issues into the light. The second half of the book will offer a manual of solutions to your personal dilemmas. If worked and read in that order, areas of insight and transformation will occur. I invite you into this adventure if you are:

A couple in conflict needing to improve your relationship.

An individual that wants to understand and be healed of your “buttons” that are easily pressed by others, especially with those that you are closest to at home, and at work.

A wounded person seeking and not finding resolution to your pain.

A Pastor, or Counselor, Professional or Lay, whose heart’s desire is to see healing, but feels exhausted hearing the rehashing of the same issues or wounds without resolution or restoration.

All conflicts in relationships are thought to be in the immediate here and now, but in actuality, the pre-five year old within is the offensive and defensive one. Let’s listen in on the aftermath of a confrontation that kicked up a cloud of emotional dust between Bob and Lily.

Bob is thinking: “Why did I loose my temper over such a small correction? It is always about criticism. I’ll try harder next time not to react so strongly.” Bob doesn’t remember the abusive correction he got as a small child for taking just one chocolate chip cookie without asking. He doesn’t remember telling himself that when he grew up, no one was going to correct him over such a small thing.

Lily is thinking: "Why did I wither like a delicate flower, because of Bob's reaction? When am I going to learn to confront without folding up at a poor response?" Lily is not thinking about her childhood where her moody mom was unpredictable in her responses. Lily doesn’t remember telling herself not to speak out her corrective thoughts because it might cause a stormy reaction. Both Bob and Lily are not aware that their small inner child was present and more of a factor in that conversation than that of their adult selves.

Would you be encouraged to know that the source of all your relational conflicts can be traced to your family of origin? Would it be a relief to look in your childhood for the conflict that you are now acting out in your relationships? Maybe, it is not about the two of you. Maybe, it is simply your small inner child reacting and re-enacting relationships like a family reunion.

As a family systems therapist, I believe all issues stem from early childhood.  The conflicts are not about the adult issues, but rather their childhood unhealed issues colliding.  Can you glimpse how very different this perspective might be, from a "he said," "she said," stance? This becomes an investigation into your childhood perceptions and hurts, rather than a trial, where everyone loses.

The first section of Emotional Transformation is devoted to unearthing, and becoming aware of the childhood issues that need healing. Awareness is the key, and the first step to transformation of reactions and behavior. Using paper and pen in the first section will establish those childhood issues, yet unresolved. I assure you that if you choose to use your new awareness it can be the springboard to true healing and transformation. The second section will bring knowledge of ways to use the dynamic and transforming power of the Holy Spirit to heal these issues.