I love beautiful homes. As a young girl, I used to visit model homes with my mom and sister. These luxury model homes were often 2 to 3 times larger than our home, professionally decorated, and full of some of the finest custom amenities that we dreamed of having.
When I visited these models, I wasn’t going with the intention to buy one. I had neither the resources, nor the use for one - I was still in high school. Instead, my intention was to visit them and imagine myself living in one in the future. Each time I visited a model, I thought about how I would decorate, accessorize, and position the furniture.
Though the models became more extravagant through the years, I always felt that there was always something missing. If only the model had another bedroom, a larger kitchen, or more windows, I contemplated.
So with each year of looking and taking mental notes, I began to develop a picture of what I wanted my house to look like. Interestingly, it didn’t look like any of the other homes in totality. It was actually a culmination of what I considered to be the best of each home, in addition to the special things I desired.
Before long, I had captured the very essence of the perfect home in my mind. From that point on, there wasn’t a new design or idea that could influence me to change the overall picture of my potential dream home. I knew exactly what I wanted.
Similarly, when I got married, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be like the awesome woman of God illustrated in Proverbs 31. I looked at all of her wonderful achievements and how well she was received, respected and rewarded. I desired that. I longed to be received by the Lord as a wise and virtuous woman. I wanted the respect of my husband, love from my children and others alike.
I wanted gifts and encouraging words to be lavished upon me because of my efforts and accomplishments. I wanted the reward of the woman who excelled in all of her God-given responsibilities and endeavors. I wanted the reward of a woman who took care of her household, blessed her family, had a superior business mind, and ministered with wisdom. I also wanted to avoid massive arguments, do as I pleased (as much as possible), and have my “own” things that my husband couldn’t touch. In essence, I wanted to be in control.
However, within the first few months of marriage, I felt as if I had ended up with a stubborn man of God who communicated when he felt like it, opposed many of my ideas, and who wanted me to be a carbon copy of him. In combative form, I developed a plan, independent of God’s wisdom, of how I wanted my household to run. I figured that if he wasn’t going to get the job done like I wanted it done, I’d do it myself. Before I knew it, I began to see myself as the head of our household and then actually tried to establish myself as such.
I wasn’t loud or boisterous. I never embarrassed him in public. I just harbored what I call a “quiet rebellion” and executed “gentle manipulation”. No matter what it’s called — it was wrong and I was headed down the road of marital destruction.
There was no way in the kingdom of God that I was going to get any reward acting out like I did. In my heart, I wanted better. I expected better, but I also knew that I wasn’t going to let “a man” (even though he was my husband) control me. I was going to be an “independent married woman”, so to speak. Society, the wisdom of the world, told me to control my own life. Although I believed the world didn’t have the answer, I knew its wisdom too well. Through the years, I heard enough wives express feelings of not being appreciated and I determined in my heart what I would and wouldn’t tolerate.
Yet, I wanted to know what I was supposed to do, capable of doing, anointed to do, or something. I desperately needed a revelation of my role as wife from the Lord, not from my husband. So, I fasted, prayed, and God answered.
As the Lord dealt with me, I knew that I had to be honest with Him and myself. First, I had to evaluate my attitude, thoughts, and intentions in my marriage. Second, I had to accept the fact that my plans weren’t working because they not rooted in His wisdom. I could no longer haphazardly apply the Word of God in my marriage and receive the blessing of the Lord. Neither could I rely upon my plan or the mediocre marriage examples of others to become a model for me to spec in establishing my own marriage.
The more I read what the Word had to say about marriage and being a wife, I realized that my dream of what a household ought to be was a collage of some good examples, my desires and the world’s wisdom. What I thought I wanted wasn’t completely in line with God’s plan for my marriage life.
As I searched the Word, I came upon Proverbs 14:1:
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
After meditating and studying this scripture, the Lord gave me a revelation and began unfolding his plan concerning the how-to’s of building my house. Then, he showed me that if I would walk in it with diligence that this revelation and my testimony could help wives throughout the Body of Christ become women who abandoned the wisdom of the world, established their homes in the wisdom of God, and obtained an abundantly blessed marriage and family life.
With relentless faith, I did what the Lord told me to do. I took God’s plan for my marriage and household and engrafted them into my life. I allowed God to show me who I was and what I needed to do in order to become who He wanted me to be.
Use this book as a tool to help establish your marriage and family life according to the Word of God. As you apply the biblical principles associated with it, the wisdom of God will minister divine direction to you for your own household. You are anointed to build!
Note: The women in this book are fictitious; however their thoughts and actions represent the carnal mindset and fleshly attitudes that many women of God have functioned with or do function with on a daily basis.