If you have a Mean Girl in your life, I understand more than you might know how horrible you feel right now. You hate getting up in the morning because you know that as soon as you get to school or work, she will be there. Leering at you, laughing at you, thinking about you, talking about you.
You don’t know what she’ll do next or where she will be. Oh yes, I know that feeling all too well because my high school years were plagued with Mean Girls.
In my class of 40 people, I was the victim of choice for the popular crowd. For 4 years I hated going to school. I sat in class day in and day out and watched them plot and plan to hurt me. I tried to make friends, but in the end even they turned against me in one way or another. The kiss of death for me (which might have some of you rolling your eyes) was that all the boys liked me. I was really shy and so I guess kind of mysterious. I
also wasn’t a sexually active girl, so, boys being boys, they all wanted to get the virgin. (News flash: They never did!) I was continually the subject of all kinds of plots. If I was dating a guy, they wanted to get him from me. If I had a nice car, they wanted to ruin it. If my mom trusted me, they wanted her to stop trusting me. One day a pair of panties was placed in our mailbox as if someone was returning them to me after a night of passion. What a joke. Torturing me was quite a sport for them, though. Every day when I left school I would find a big wad of spit on the hood of my car. Every day, without fail. I hated walking out to my car as they all laughed at me. I can remember being afraid to go to the bathroom because I might meet one of them in there alone, and that would be devastating.
When I started dating a guy that one of them wanted to date, they not only TP’d his house but also spray painted his driveway with bad things about me. They were bent on making me look bad. When our Sadie Hawkins dance (girls ask guys) came along, one of the girls asked my boyfriend before I could (of course, he was a stupid boy for saying yes, but that’s beside the current point).
I thought I had found sanctuary in those friends I told you about, but they soon turned on me as well. Why is it that girls think that boys are more important than their friends? My friend made out with my new love the day after he and I got together. I was shocked, but I guess I shouldn’t have been. After all, friends aren’t as important as boys. Ugh!
All this meanness finally culminated in one horrible act that freaked me out and made me fear for my safety. One day in my senior year I went to my locker, and as I opened it I saw a small noose with something hanging from it. It was soft and slimy like a dead finger. A note that hung from the rope said, “Beware the DOA.” Needless to say, it totally freaked me out. I slammed the locker and ran to the school office. This was too much. Until that time I hadn’t said anything to anyone, but this looked like something that should be taken more seriously.
When the principal went back to check my locker, she found that what was hanging there was a peeled carrot, carved like a person. Apparently it had been left in the freezer overnight so that now it was cold, clammy, and limp. Pretty ingenious girls!
I was devastated that their hatred of me had gone that far. I don’t know for sure why the girls decided that I was archenemy number one, but I was. Was it because I was shy? Was I aloof in my shyness? I’ll never know, but my high school years were tainted by the treatment of a handful of angry teenage girls.
I always thought they had no idea what they were doing to me—until years later when I found out the truth. I was at a party with a bunch of friends from high school, and one of the Mean Girls was there too. She pulled me aside and said, “We treated you really bad in school and did some really mean things. I’m sorry about what we did.” I thought that was a really nice and noble thing to do, so I smiled and said, “Oh, don’t worry about it. We were young; it’s okay. I forgive you.” She looked at me in shock, her mouth open, and said, “Oh, great. Why’d you have to be so nice even now? It would have been much easier if you would have been mean about it!” Even then, my kindness was killing her. Maybe that’s what they mean by “kill ’em with kindness.”
I didn’t learn to trust girls for years after high school. I spent most of my college and adult years, until a few years ago, only being close to guys. I just couldn’t handle the “girl scene,” as I liked to call it. “They are just so catty and mean. I don’t like ’em. Guys are easygoing, not vindictive or petty. I prefer guys,” I used to say. But now that I have healed from my experiences and started to see the truth, I can say that I love girls. In fact, I need girls. If it weren’t for girls, I would be really messed up.
Let’s face it, we need each other. Guys are great, sure, but they are different, and you can’t really connect with a guy the same way you can connect with a girl.
Now I can sit up all night with my girlfriends, talking about guys. I can talk their ears off and never feel like I’m boring them. I can shop all day with my girlfriends. I can share clothes with them. Tell my secrets to them. Confide in them. And nurture them. Girls bring out the girl in me, and that’s pretty cool.
Because when you get right down to it, it’s the girl in you that guys are attracted to, not the guy in you. I didn’t understand that till many years after high school. I was so busy trying not to be like the Mean Girls that I became like a guy and totally gave up my girlyness. And it wasn’t until I decided I really wanted a man and was ready to think of the “M” word that I found out I really needed girls.
See, my dears, guys will never replace girls. They weren’t meant to. Most guys don’t need to talk as much as girls, so we need backup friends to use all our words on. Guys, on the whole, don’t like shopping as much either, so we need girls to fill that void. And most guys definitely don’t like sharing all their hopes, fears, and emotions with us all the time like we want to, but girls do, and I thank God for that. My mom always told me, “Hayley, whenever you start dating someone, don’t stop seeing your girlfriends. You need them. If you dump them and expect him to take their place, you’ll be in big trouble. He just can’t do it. He’s a guy. Save all your girl emotions and traumas for girls who get it. And just enjoy the guy.” Women who are wise know that even after you get married, keeping your girlfriends is essential. Guys and girls both need “me” time, and a girlfriend is a good sounding board and confidante for your emotions and dreams.
So don’t give up on girls just yet. We are fun. We have fun together. We bond in ways guys never can. And besides, you need someone to get your back, to tell you when your jeans are too short or your belt doesn’t match your shoes or, worse yet, when you have something in your teeth. Ah, girls. They are great. Don’t let a few mean ones taint it for the rest of us.
Find a girlfriend or two and make a good relationship that will last a lifetime.
When I was a teenager, my spirit was imprisoned by fear, maybe like yours is right now. I had no sense of the greatness of God or the power of his hand in my life. I couldn’t see life from his point of view, only from my weak little place on the planet. I didn’t understand a bigger picture because I had not yet discovered Christ and his teachings, his Spirit, and his love. I didn’t come to understand that until after college. If I had known then what I know now, maybe those girls would have ended up my friends or at least left me alone a little bit. No one ever told me how to handle them, what to say to them, or how to be around them. Instead I was just plain scared of them. I lived a lot of my life in fear, and it didn’t have to be that way. How sad that no one was there to tell me about the amazing truth of godliness with love. Now that I have come through years of fighting with the Mean Girl and of not knowing how to avoid her or get rid of her, I have a new understanding of how I am supposed to react to her, even if I can’t get rid of her.
I wrote Mean Girls to help you better understand who you are so that you can stop the Mean Girl cycle. This book will help you to find your destiny and live in it as a graceful spiritual girl.
Mean Girls will help you face the beauty in the beast of your Mean Girl and maybe even find a way to change a generation of Mean Girls from the inside out. What you learn in this book might shock you. It might even tick you off, but don’t stop. If you want to get to the bottom of your pain, then you have to power through. On the other side is hope and a life filled with peace and love. Mean Girls might be around you forever, but they might never affect you again if you follow the principles in this book and remain honest with and true to yourself.